Top Ten Crazy Movie Villains
by Nicholas Robinson
This week I planned to do a single list on Top Ten movie villains but I couldn’t decide. So I decided to split the list into two types of villains. Here is list number one, hope you like it.
10. Brick Top (Alan Ford) – Snatch 
I start off my top ten crazy movie villains with one who is on the fence. He is not outright crazy but he does some crazy stuff as a villain. I mean, only a crazy guy would think of disposing of dead bodies by feeding them to pigs. Though many of you who watched this movie remembered it mainly for Brad Pitt’s performance or the comedy (I do too), Brick Top stands out as a regular gangster with just enough crazy to earn himself number ten on my list.
9. Cleon “Slammin” Salmon (Michael Clarke Duncan) – The Slammin’ Salmon 
This is by far the most controversial pick on my list. I don’t think anyone will argue with me on the crazy factor but what they will argue with me is: “How can a movie like this have a villain?” My rebuttal to them is: “Think back. Think back to all the crazy shit The Champ did to get his $20,000 at the end of the night. Now tell me he isn’t a villain.” If that doesn’t work well then: “WHATEVER MOTHERFUCKER!”
8. Jean-Baptiste Emanuel Zorg (Gary Oldman) – The Fifth Element 
Gary Oldman is an amazing actor and he plays quite a few villains, but this is one that deserves recognition in the crazy list. This guy has the villainy down pat. He has the resources, the mentality, the henchmen, hell, he even LOOKS evil. What I remember most from this guy is how he deals with failure. When a bunch of henchmen fail him and he goes to show them their new weapon, he goes through all the features and then says “My personal favourite is this red button right here.” He then immediately walks away and you see the henchman scratch his head and then press the button. This is immediately followed by a large explosion englufing the entire building. Now what villain has a better way of disposing of henchmen than that?
7. Hatchet Harry (P.H. Moriarty) – Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels 
Here, we have another ordinary British gangster in a Guy Ritchie movie. Most people would say that both he and Brick Top are on par with craziness. I disagree. At least Brick Top disposes of his bodies without suspicion. Hatchet Harry just has Barry the Baptist drown them and leave them there (as far as we know). What earns Mr. Harry number seven on my list while Brick Top is number ten is this: the story that Bacon tells Tom and Soap when Eddy is playing poker. The story goes like this: Harry is having a meeting with some guy who has bad news for him. Harry gets very angry gets angry at him and picks up the nearest thing which happens to be a “fifteen inch black rubber cock” and proceeds to beat him to death with it. Now I don’t know about you, but I wouldn’t use a dildo to beat someone to death. That’s some crazy person shit.
6. Stuntman Mike (Kurt Russell) – Grindhouse Presents: Quentin Tarantino’s Death Proof 
This is what Quentin does best. He takes actors who have fallen off there top, gives them a movie and they do a great performance. Kurt Russell does an amazing job as the crazy stuntman serial killer only known as Stuntman Mike. Even though he is a crazy motherfucker, he is also very methodical. He makes sure to not drink a single drop of alcohol and then get in a “traffic collision” with four girls who were all really drunk and high on weed. Well, who said you couldn’t be a crazy methodical villain.
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